Alec Baldwin got emotional while discussing the 2021 shooting on the set of his movie Rust during the premiere episode of The Baldwins. The episode was filmed just weeks before Alec was set to stand trial for involuntary manslaughter after accidentally fatally shooting Halyna Hutchins with a prop gun.

“I can’t even believe we’re going through this,” Alec said to his wife, Hilaria Baldwin. “I always feel more in pain about you than me. I’ll try my best to get through it, but when I think of what it’s done to you and how much it hurt you and everything… this past year has been just terrible. There was times I’d lay in bed and I’d go, ‘Wow, I can’t get up.’ That’s not like me. I’m not like that at all.”

Hilaria was aware of just how big of a toll the situation had taken on her husband. “Everyone who is close to Alec has seen his mental health decline,” she admitted. “He was diagnosed with PTSD and he says in his darkest moments, ‘If an accident had to happen this day, why am I still here? Why couldn’t it have been me?’”

In a conversation with the actor, she also pointed out, “You wake up in the morning and you’re like, ‘Oh God, why did I wake up?’ You’re so dark. It’s so painful.” Alec added, “My good friend said to me the other day, ‘How are you doing?’ and I said, ‘I’m happier when I’m asleep than when I’m awake.’”

However, amid the uncertainty, the couple put on a brave front for the sake of their seven young children. “Honestly, from the bottom of my soul, I don’t know where I’d be if I didn’t have you and these kids going through this,” Alec said to Hilaria. “I never would have made it with this. Sometimes I think, ‘Why did I have seven kids?’ and I realize it’s to help carry me and you through this situation.”

Alec’s trial took place in July 2024 after he was indicted by a grand jury seven months earlier. However, just three days after the proceedings began, the case was dismissed with prejudice because of evidence withheld by the prosecution. Alec previously reached a private settlement in a wrongful death lawsuit with Hutchins’ family in 2022.

The Baldwins premieres Sunday, February 23 at 10/9c on TLC, with new episodes airing weekly. Episodes are available to stream on Max.  

The Baldwins, Season 1 Premiere, Sunday, February 23, 10/9c, TLC

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